It's a new year, and it has been almost two months since my last entry. No excuses- from now on I'm making at least one entry a week and shooting for two. It's a New Year and it's time for me to make a lot of changes. As per usual, I'm not very punctual in instituting resolutions- being that it is the 23rd, but better late than not at all right? I am not usually the type to make New Year's resolutions- mostly because I really hate winter and don't feel motivated to make big changes in my life in January. Typically when I make goals for the year I do it around my birthday in May, when the sun is shining and summer is ahead of me. But this year is different for a few reasons. There is no way to sugar coat this or put it gently, and that is why it has taken me so long to write about:
In December one of my coworkers, Carin, died. She died alone, in our office, late on a Saturday night or early Sunday morning. She was 28 years old. I wasn't particularly close to Carin, and rarely saw her outside of the office, but her death rocked me to the core. My most visceral response to her death is anger. I'm angry she was so young, and angry that she died working. Carin worked too much- she'd been working 80+ hours a week for my company basically nonstop for over 6 years. Your work should not be your life.
Carin's death was staring me in the face every day, so the major vacation I had planned for the holidays could not have come at a better time. Although it was wonderful to see my family, the vacation was not everything I'd hoped it would be. In fact, it was kind of a wake-up call for me. I saw in my family so many things that I do not want for myself. My mom stresses over everything and is having a really hard time surviving financially. My grandfather is sick but refusing medical treatment. My grandmother is obese and miserable as a result. I'm terrified I'm going to loose all three of them before I should because they don't take care of themselves. I'm also terrified by how much of myself I see in each of them.
If there's anything I've learned from all of this, it is that LIFE IS SHORT. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff, too short not to take care of yourself, too short to spend behind a desk at a job you hate.
I've come up with one resolution for myself: live well. It's simple to say, but it's a big task. Here are a few of the steps on my path:
Make my physical and mental health my number one priority.
Don't be afraid to take risks/ speak my mind.
Learn to love my job, or find a job I can love.
Be more creative.
Make Boston home.
Get my finances in order.
Be better at keeping in touch with friends and family, near and far.
Have fun!
It might take more than a year to achieve my goal of living well, but I'm willing to give it my best shot and be patient.
