This post is in response to an article sent to me by Sydney, one of my oldest friends (we met when we sat next to each other in Ms. Cox's math class in 5th grade) and also a response to some feelings about gender roles that have been causing quite the internal struggle for me as of late.
I am a woman, I am 23 years old... and I am a feminist. It took me about 20 years of my life to be able to comfortably understand and state that I am a feminist- partly due to the social stigma around the word, and partly for the lack of a label for feelings I can trace back to my step father's unwillingness to chip in around the house or change my sister's diapers (that's a story for another day).
I am a feminist for many reasons, but choice, equality, and freedom lie at the center of all of those reasons. I believe that all people should be allotted the same opportunities and freedoms, regardless of their anatomy or gender expression. I am a feminist, but I am not androgynous at all.
For better or for worse I am a very feminine person. Some of my feminine qualities I find very attractive- I like that I am nurturing, warm, and intuitive, and that I am not violent, or aggressive. Some qualities I find very troublesome- I am apologetic to a fault and I avoid conflict, often times to my own detriment.
Recently a coworker made the observation that many of the women in my current social circle are not interested in commitment or monogamy. I agreed with the observation, but this does not describe me.
I like commitment! I like monogamy! I want a family!
I tried doing the single girl sex and the city, having unattached sex thing for a year. It wasn't for me, and it ended about 8 months ago when I started seriously seeing my current beau. With the exception of that year, I have been in a committed, monogamous relationship since I was 15. I dated my high school sweetheart for almost 4 years, the last year of which we spent engaged. I went straight from that relationship into dating my college boyfriend for a little over 2 years.
A few weeks ago I visited one of my best friends in New Orleans. This trip happened to occur right after my beau told me that he had not told his mother we were seeing each other, and after I'd been grappling with whether to say those oh-so-significant three words to him for a few weeks.
On this trip I stayed with my friend Katy and her sister, brother in law, niece and nephew. Katy's sister is only 25, but is married and has two adorable children. It was through staying with this family that I realized I want a family sooner rather than later. This realization came out in a late night confession to Katy on her porch. Katy did not judge me or think less of my when I told her I felt this way.
It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders! I don't have to feel like a freak for wanting these things. Feminism is, after all, about choice. I can choose to have a family, and that's ok. Now the bigger dilemma is figuring out how to express these desires, and those three words to the man that I am falling for more and more every day. And the biggest dilemma for me will be finding the strength to walk away if we don't want the same things.
I'll get back to you when I figure that one out.
The article that kinda brought this on: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/what-is-femininity_b_748070.html
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