10 Day You Challenge: 8 Fears

Day 3: Eight Fears

(In no particular order)

1. General Anesthesia. I have never had a medical procedure that required me to go under general anesthesia, and I kind of hope I never have to.

2. Heights.


3. Snakes


4. Waiting too long to start a family. I have always known that I want a partner and children. I've also always known that I want the experience of being pregnant and giving birth. I have been feeling a little baby fever/ starting to hear my biological clock tick a bit lately, but I know that to have and support a family I have a lot of work to do in my professional and personal life. Since reproductive problems run in my family, so I worry that by the time I'm ready and find the right partner, I won't be able to get pregnant.

5. A Conservative win in the 2012 Election. I am scared not only of President Obama loosing his bid for reelection, but also of democrats loosing seats in Congress, the Senate, and in State governments.

6. That mistakes I've made in the past will haunt me in the future. I think this is a fear everyone has, for me it's mostly a financial issue.

7. Waxing. I've never waxed anything. I've thought about getting my eyebrows or bikini area waxed, but the thought of intentionally putting hot wax on my body and ripping out my hair follicles is terrifying!

8. Loosing my Grandmother. I am closer to my Grammy than anyone else in my family. She's the one that I call when I'm having a bad day or have big news. She's 69, obese, and works 50+ hours a week. I wish she'd retire and loose the weight because the thought of her not being there when I get married or have my first child is something I can't bear to imagine.

10 Day You Challenge: 9 Loves

Day 2: Nine Loves

 (In no particular order...)

1. Texas. Specifically central and South Texas. I lived in the Corpus Christi area from ages 7-14, and then I moved to Austin for 6 months following my college graduation. I consider myself an honorary Texan. I get really offended when people stereotype Texas, especially when they assume everyone in Texas is a conservative, white christian like George W. Bush or Rick Perry. Texas is a huge state and is very diverse! I love the food, the friendly people, and the relaxed attitude. 

2. Traveling. I love seeing new places and having new experiences. All of my travel thus far as been within the Eastern and Southern US, but I am planning to have a West Coast adventure in the Spring. I also hope do some international travel someday.

3. Going out to Eat. The only thing more fun than trying new foods, is trying them in the company of the people you love. I usually work one or two dinners out a week into my budget. 

4. Thermal Curtains. A few weeks ago I invested in a really nice pair of thermal curtains for my bedroom. They're super thick and they block out sunlight and drafts. I've nicknamed my bedroom my "cave of awesome". With my curtains closed and the heat on, I could stay in bed all day. 

5. Not owning a car. My favorite part of living in Boston is the fact that I have absolutely no need for a car. I can get to just about anything I could possibly need by walking or taking public transit. As someone paid a car payment and insurance every month for almost 5 years, not having a car is so freeing. I just pay $59 a month for my monthly T/Bus pass.

6. Fresh Seafood. One of the perks of growing up a military brat is that from the age of 7 onward I've almost always lived near the water and had access to delicious fresh seafood.

7. The Gulf of Mexico Coast.  As stated above, the bulk of my childhood was spent near Corpus Christi, Texas so I grew up going to Gulf beaches (and Gulf seafood). To this day nothing beats the warm water and salty breezes of a Gulf beach in my book.  As an adult I've fallen in love with New Orleans as well. I love the food, the music, the laid back attitude and the warm and inviting people.

8.Cardigans. Hands down my favorite item of clothing.

9. My Family. My family is small, and I don't get to see them as often as I'd like, but I love them just the same.

10 Day You Challenge: 10 Secrets

I've decided the best way to jump start my blogging after a long hiatus is to do a Blogger Challenge. Rebecca at iridescent indigo is doing the 10 Day You Challenge, so I thought I'd join her!

Day 1 Ten Secrets:

1. I feel an intense pressure to be a role model for my 16 year old sister and 17 year old little cousin. I am the first person in my family to go to college and the first woman not to have a child before age 23, so I think I am doing ok for now.

2. I am overwhelmed by my debt. Taking a job that payed $24k a year before taxes ruined my credit in the first year after college. Most of my debt is Student Loan debt, but I also made the mistake of getting 3 credit cards in college. I never had good money management skills modeled for me as a kid/ teenager, so I'm learning them as I go.

3. One of the things I miss most about college is going skinny dipping!

4. I don't have a passport and I've never been off the continent. However, I can't say I've never been out of the country because my family used to go on shopping trips to Mexico when we lived in South Texas. (before the drug cartels made it unsafe)

5. I am a firm believer in retail therapy. I go shopping when I'm feeling sad or lonely, and I feel a little high when I get a good sale or find something cool. (can you see how this is related to #2?)

6. I didn't meet my best friend until I was 22 and we only lived in the same city for 6 months. Even still, I talk to her almost every day.

7. Whenever I feel overwhelmed I remind myself that when my mom was my age, I was 6, and I feel instantaneously better for not having a 6 year old to look after. 

8. I'm writing this at work.

9. Despite lots of yo-yoing in my weight, I've worn the same bra size since 8th grade.

10. I am a feminist and I watch porn.

Home is where the heart is?

Sorry blog world. It's been awhile, and not for lack of things to write about. It has been a very eventful month. I reached a tipping point at my job where I realized I need to move on sooner rather than later. This leaves me with a really difficult question. Where do I look for jobs? I still don't really know the answer.

I don't know where I want to be, but I know I do not like Boston. Like any place Boston has it's redeeming qualities, but mostly I find it drab. The summer is short and the winter is long, and like the weather, the people are not particularly warm. The cost of living is really high. The population is not very diverse (where else do you see a predominantly white crowd come out of an NBA game?!?). It feels like everyone is in a hurry all the time. On a more personal level- outside of work I don't have friends here. And it's so far away from Ohio and so expensive to travel there that I haven't seen my family in a year!

So you're probably wondering why I haven't left yet? Well finances are a big part of it, but there's also the beau. I love him more and more everyday, and this is where he wants to be and plans to be for the next  4+ years (graduate school). Things between us went from moving at snailspeed to moving much more quickly just in the last month and a half. We said our I love yous and I spent Thanksgiving in New York with his family. We've even talked about him meeting my family.

Speaking of my family. Growing up a military brat, home was always where my Mom was (the house we lived in in Portland, TX is above). I would really like to live near them for the next few years. I feel like I'm missing my sister's entire life. She just turned 15, she's in her first year of highschool and getting into all sorts of trouble. I've seen her so little over the last two years that I still see her as 12 in my head. I really want to be closer to her so she has a role model, but also a friend. I can't imagine having her parents divorce has been easy on her and it sure as hell hasn't been easy on my mom. I want to be there to pick up the pieces, but I hate Ohio even more than Boston and I know I could never be happy or have my own life there.

Where do I see myself? Well, I'm conflicted. There are so many feelings and ideas floating around my head all the time- I think I'd like to settle down in Maryland, eventually. I might like to live in New Orleans for a year or two or go back to Austin, where my furniture and belongings are in storage. I might also want to go to graduate school eventually. Would Boston feel better if I had a job I actually enjoyed or if I felt I was here with a purpose, like graduate school?

Home is where the heart is, or at least that's what I hear. Well my heart is here with my beau, and in Ohio with my family. But neither place feels like home, so I don't know what to do.